Navigating OCD Challenges: Holiday Support Tips for Family and Friends
By: Catherine Tamayo, MS LPCC
The holiday season can be a joyful time filled with traditions, gatherings, and celebration. However, for individuals with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the holidays can also bring heightened stress and anxiety. For loved ones, it can be challenging to navigate how to provide support without enabling compulsions or minimizing their experiences. This blog offers evidence-based strategies rooted in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to assist you in remaining a supportive, motivating presence for your loved one during the holidays.
Understanding OCD: A Holiday Perspective
OCD involves intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions) aimed at reducing anxiety or discomfort. The holidays can exacerbate OCD symptoms due to:
Changes in routine
Family interactions and expectations
Triggers related to food, cleanliness, perfecting items, social situations, etc
Pressure to feel "happy" or "perfect" during the season
While it's natural to want to alleviate your loved one's discomfort, providing support without enabling compulsive behaviors is key to fostering growth and inner security.
Support Without Enabling: A Balanced Approach
What Does Enabling Look Like?
Participating in or encouraging compulsions to reduce immediate distress (e.g., excessive reassurance, assisting in repetitive behaviors).
Altering your own routines or behaviors to accommodate OCD rituals.
How to Avoid Minimizing?
Refrain from saying things like, "Just don’t think about it," or "You’re fine, just relax." These can invalidate their experience and add to their distress.
Instead, focus on validating their emotions while encouraging gradual steps toward managing OCD effectively.
Evidence-Based Strategies for Support
1. Validate Their Experience
Let your loved one know their feelings are understood and respected. Use phrases such as:
"I know this is hard for you, and I’m here to help."
"I see you’re feeling anxious, and I believe in your ability to manage it, what’s a step you can take?"
Validation does not mean agreeing with their fears but acknowledging the emotional impact OCD has on them.
2. Gradually Assist with Exposures (ERP)
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the gold standard for OCD treatment. During the holidays, you can encourage and support their ERP practice by:
Identifying Triggers Together:
Work with your loved one to identify specific holiday-related situations that might be challenging (e.g., attending a family dinner, touching shared items, or tolerating uncertainty about gift exchanges).Supporting Their Exposures:
Encourage them to face these situations without performing compulsions. For example:If they are anxious about germs, you might gently encourage them to participate in setting the table without washing their hands afterward.
Offer to practice exposures together, such as wrapping gifts without overchecking for "perfection."
Being a Motivating Presence:
Cheer them on during exposures by reminding them of their progress and long-term goals. Avoid jumping in to "rescue" them if discomfort arises.
3. Practice ACT Principles
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) complements ERP by helping individuals shift their focus from controlling their thoughts to living in alignment with their values.
Encourage Value-Based Actions:
Ask questions like, "What would make this holiday meaningful for you?" or "How can we focus on connection and enjoyment instead of avoiding discomfort?"Model Acceptance:
Show your own willingness to accept uncertainties or imperfections during the holidays. For example, if plans change unexpectedly, verbalize how you’re adapting with flexibility.Reinforce Mindfulness:
Support grounding techniques like focusing on the present moment during holiday activities. This can help both of you stay centered amidst the chaos of the season.
Self-Care for Supporters
Supporting a loved one with OCD can be emotionally taxing, especially during the holidays. To ensure you’re showing up effectively:
Set Healthy Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to participating in compulsions or behaviors that compromise your own well-being.
Seek Education: Learn more about OCD and ERP to better understand what your loved one is experiencing.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that being a perfect supporter isn’t realistic or necessary.
Creating a Supportive Environment
1. Cultivate Open Communication
Discuss potential challenges before the holidays begin. Ask questions like:
"Are there specific situations you’re worried about this holiday season?"
"How can I best support you during family gatherings?"
2. Emphasize Flexibility
OCD thrives on rigidity. Demonstrating flexibility in your own actions and expectations can encourage your loved one to adopt a similar mindset.
3. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Acknowledge small wins along the way, such as attending an event or practicing an exposure, even if it didn’t go perfectly.
When to Seek Professional Support
If your loved one’s symptoms significantly impact their daily functioning or holiday experience, consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in OCD and ERP. Professional guidance can provide additional tools and strategies for managing the holiday season. We are here to assist click here to request an intake.
Supporting a loved one with OCD during the holidays requires empathy, patience, and a commitment to fostering growth over immediate relief. By validating their experiences, assisting with exposures, and encouraging value-based actions, you can help them navigate the season with greater confidence.
Resources
International OCD Foundation (IOCDF): www.iocdf.org
Offers education, resources, and a directory of OCD specialists.The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): www.adaa.org
Provides information on OCD and treatment options.Books for Family Support:
"Loving Someone with OCD" by Karen J. Landsman, Kathleen M. Parrish, & Cherlene Pedrick
"The Family Guide to Getting Over OCD" by Jonathan S. Abramowitz
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
Abramowitz, J. S., & Jacoby, R. J. (2015). The family guide to getting over OCD: Reclaim your life and help your loved one. Guilford Press.
Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The new acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
International OCD Foundation. (n.d.). Exposure and response prevention (ERP). Retrieved from https://www.iocdf.org.
